took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
