To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
