so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
