You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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