My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
