we're chasing vodka with high fives
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
