Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
