Old men and throwing up are my life now.
that's an acceptable place to lick
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
