what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
