When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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