I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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