I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
