I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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