Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
