I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
