Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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