I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
