dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
