Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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