do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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