You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
