Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
