absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
