she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
