I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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