Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
