halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
