Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
