My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
