I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize