worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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