i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So many bounce houses so little time
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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