dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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