Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize