We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize