Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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