So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
