Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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