he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
