Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
