We're facebook friends in real life
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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