Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
