You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
