Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
