she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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