question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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