Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
