Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
