he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You are a genius and a whore.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
