If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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