Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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