He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
