oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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