hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize