Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
