I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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