When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
