Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
