Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
