So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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