He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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