I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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