never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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