the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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