I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize