He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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