so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
