I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
