She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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