Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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