You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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