see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
