i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
