I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i don't like sucking hair
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
