I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
