Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
