I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
