i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
