She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize