dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Damn victory sex feels great
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
