Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
