There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
