talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
