I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
