Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
