I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize