I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
