i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
