doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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