What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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