tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
