I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize